You have been forced to enter empty time. The desire that drove you has relinquished. There is nothing else to do now but rest And patiently learn to receive the self You have forsaken in the race of days.
—John O’Donohue, from For One Who Is Exhausted, a Blessing
Often I feel restless for the first hours and days of a period of being by myself, but usually – if I can stay the course and not allow myself to be tempted into seeking out company or distracting myself by thinking about the past or future – a sense of calm settles over me after a time.
—Erling Kagge, Philosophy for Polar Explorers
Slow time
My hibernation continues. Just as I was starting to wonder if spring had arrived and that energy could be on the rise, I found my mood lowing and my need for silence and time alone increasing.
At first I panicked at this development. I felt cheated. I had already been quiet and slow moving for many weeks. Surely, as the light was returning, it was time for my energy to do likewise. Surely it was time to reap the benefits of all this slow time.
Sitting quietly
But, if I allowed myself to sit quietly I could hear my quiet, inner self telling me not to panic and not to rush back to the wider world and dangers of being caught up in other people’s rhythms and urgencies before I was ready. Now was the time to show patience and the resolve to stick to the course I had set for myself back in the late autumn. Now was the time to double down on my hibernation and fully let myself enter what John O’Donohue so beautifully calls empty time.
John O'Donohue
If you don’t know John O’Donohue’s blessing, For One Who is Exhausted, then I would highly recommend seeking out a copy. I’m reading it in the vlog post that I link to below, but it can also be found in his book, Benedictus: A Book Of Blessings and online here.
The blessing was sent to my by a friend when I was feeling exhausted by grief and was an almost instant comfort. Just having someone showing a deep understanding of what exhaustion feels like made me feel less alone. But this blessing also feels like a roadmap to getting back to a better place and over the last couple of winters has become a companion and a reminder that it is okay (even necessary) to sit with and embrace empty time.
Embracing empty time
So, after what now felts like a false start, a false spring, I am letting myself embrace empty time.
The discomfort of doing that has largely passed and I am more comfortable again with the silence. I am letting any increase in energy nourish me, rather than use it to fuel “doing” in the conventional sense. I have found I am cooking more, reading more and walking more close to home. But I continue to rest and sleep when I need to (and avoid the wider world).
Sending love and wishing you a peaceful February.
Michael <3
Something to listen to
The Hibernation Podcast #15
In this episode of The Hibernation Podcast you find me in bed, feeling a little low and taking comfort in John O’Donohue's blessing, For One Who is Exhausted.
Listen to episode #15 of The Hibernation Podcast
This podcast episode is part of my three-month patron-only series of hibernation podcasts available over on my Patreon page. Become a Podcast Supporter to listen to the whole series.
Something to watch
Join me for this vlog post, recorded over the period of a slow week, as I sit in John O'Donohue's empty time and wait for energy and enthusiasm to return.
Whilst I did spend most of my week in bed crocheting and reading, I did find myself walking amongst the sheep one evening and also had the occasional foray to my kitchen to do some cooking.
I suspect this week of empty time won't be my last...
Watch: Vlog #133: Empty Time
This video is one of a regular series of vlog posts that I publish for patrons over on my Patreon page. Become a Vlog Subscriber to watch all these videos.
Follow my hibernation
The Hibernation Podcast
You can follow my hibernation, or even hibernate alongside me, over on my Patreon page.
There, I’m currently posting a three-month series of audio podcasts called The Hibernation Podcast, along with gentle twenty-minute video pondering and creativity sessions and regular vlog posts.
Listen to the first episode of The Hibernation Podcast.
To receive the Go Gently Letter directly in your inbox whenever I send it out, subscribe for free here.
